If you are like most spouses who have decided that it is time for your marriage to end, you want the divorce process to go as quickly and smoothly as possible. Generally, this means reaching an agreement with your spouse. So, how can you find a way to come to terms?

7 Strategies for Finding a Way to Come to Terms During Your Divorce in Illinois

There are several strategies that spouses can use to come to terms during the divorce process in Illinois, often even in highly contentious scenarios. Here are seven examples:

1. Focus on Your Common Goals and Interests First

If your goal is to reach an agreement on all of the various aspects of your divorce, including property division, financial support, and child custody, it can be helpful to focus on your common goals and interests first. It can even be helpful to begin by acknowledging basic areas of agreement, like:

  • You both want the divorce process to be as quick and painless as possible;
  • You both want to avoid going to court if possible;
  • You both want what is best for your children;
  • You both want financial stability after your divorce; and,
  • You are both ready to move on with your respective lives.

Once you have acknowledged that your overarching goals are the same, then you can start focusing on specific areas of agreement. For example, do you agree who will continue living in the family home? Do you agree on who will keep each of your vehicles? Do you agree that you should both get to spend an equal amount of time with your children? Whatever it is that you agree on, if you can put this on the table up front, this can make agreeing on the remaining issues in your divorce seem more achievable.

2. Address More Contentious Issues Once You’ve Made Some Progress

Once you’ve made some progress, allowing your negotiations to break down (and potentially ending up in court) can seem even less palatable than it did initially. With this in mind, once you and your spouse have agreed on some basic issues, you can begin to address issues that are more challenging.

It is important to take this step-by-step. If you put all of your disagreements on the table at once, this can be overwhelming for all parties involved—and this can make it difficult to make more progress. On the other hand, if you start by focusing on relatively minor areas of conflict first, you can take a systematic approach that continues building toward a mutually agreeable final outcome.

3. Make Informed and Reasonable Decisions About Your Own Personal Priorities

As you work through the divorce process, it is important to make informed and reasonable decisions about your own personal priorities. What really matters most? What do you really need to live comfortably and happily, and what can you just as happily live without?

By thinking about these types of questions in advance, you can avoid letting your emotions get in the way during your negotiations. You can also make sure you don’t create any conflicts that are not truly necessary to resolve. Hopefully, your spouse will do the same, and hopefully this will help facilitate an efficient and amicable resolution.

4. Focus on Your Specific Circumstances and Consider Creative Solutions

When going through the divorce process, it is easy to focus on how your friends’ or family members’ divorces have gone or on anecdotes you’ve seen online. But, it is important to keep in mind that getting divorced is an extremely personal process, and what made sense for someone else won’t necessarily make sense for you.

Today, divorcing spouses in Illinois have lots of options, and they have the opportunity to find creative solutions when they are willing to work together. With this in mind, you should stay focused on your specific circumstances, and you should try to think creatively about what will work for both you and your spouse long-term.

5. Consider Divorce Mediation or a Collaborative Divorce

Sometimes, despite their best efforts, divorcing spouses simply won’t be able to find a way to come to terms on their own. Even though their overarching goals largely align, they will need help making informed decisions or finding a creative solution that works for both of them.

In these scenarios, divorce mediation and collaborative divorce can be highly effective tools. Divorce mediation involves working with a neutral third party (the mediator) who provides recommendations, while the collaborative divorce process involves working with various types of independent professionals who can provide insights that facilitate informed decision-making.

6. Take a Break When Necessary

Sometimes, when things start getting contentious, the best approach is simply to take a break. If you and your spouse can take some time to cool off and come back in an hour, a day, or a week with a fresh perspective and a level head, you may find that you are quickly able to move past an issue that was previously getting in the way.

7. Rely on the Advice and Guidance of an Experienced Divorce Lawyer

Finally, regardless of the circumstances involved in your divorce, you will want an experienced divorce lawyer on your side. An experienced divorce lawyer will be able to help ensure that you are making informed decisions—not giving up too much or demanding too little—and will be able to help you resolve any conflicts that arise.

When you hire a divorce lawyer to represent you, your lawyer will have your best interests in mind. This means that he or she will also be focused on finalizing your divorce as quickly, amicably, and cost-effectively as possible.

Schedule a Free and Confidential Consultation with Gurnee, IL Divorce Lawyer Deanna J. Bowen

Are you contemplating a divorce in Illinois? If so, we encourage you to contact us for a free, no-obligation consultation. To discuss your situation with Gurnee, IL divorce lawyer Deanna J. Bowen in confidence, please call 847-623-4002 or tell us how we can help online today.